Gambling Tips

If you are here to look for bankroll management, or for someone to tell you to not bet what you don’t have. This is not it. They have phone numbers for that. This is the code you should follow to not be an asshole. If you decide you want to be start gambling and you are going to talk about it, do yourself a favor and read through these first.

With gambling becoming hot in the streets to the other 90% of the country now that it is legalized I thought it would be fair to share some guidelines with those people. This isn’t me being a hardo this is just me suggesting ways to act.

First one: Don’t Bet Through A Friend Pretty self explanatory here. Don’t use your friend as a bookie. No good could come from it. I’ve been on both sides of this. I took a friends bets and he never paid, and now I don’t associate with that person. I’ve also put bets in through a friend and haven’t been paid. Avoid all awkward transactions by finding the local bookie and going through him. He’s typically pretty easy to find. He probably bartends, runs a poker game out of his apartment once or twice a week, smokes cigs like a feen, and drinks jager and Red Bull. Get in with him and not the mob and you’ll be in good shape.

Second one: Don’t Be the Guy That Cheers and Let’s Everyone Know your Gambling: It is perfectly ok to talk to friends about gambling, but not everyone in the room wants to hear about your bets the entire night. The thing is most people that are the loudest are betting $10 a game and acting like their entire life depends on it. So many times I’ve been in a spot where I have half my rent on the opposite side of a game, and a guy is celebrating right in my face about being up $56 that week.

Third Thing: Nobody Cares About Your 14 Team Parlay: Don’t be the parlay guy. Bet them all you want I don’t care. But, don’t talk to me about your 14 team parlay that you put 3 dollars on and a few bounces didn’t go your way and it missed. You are never going to win and I could care less. Gambling is fucking hard you aren’t going to win 14 legs, but if by that miracle chance you smack that parlay one day, you can talk my fucking ear off. I’ll go with you to cash that ticket. Until then please leave me alone.

Fourth Thing: Don’t buy points: Don’t by points. Pretty easy. It’s a lame move. If you must buy points don’t tell me how good of a line you got when in reality you are paying 5x in the juice than a typical bet. Don’t buy them you cowards.

Fifth Thing: No One Cares About your Draft Kings Lineup: Nobody cares that you are in the top 20 in a draft kings lineup. It’s 1:35pm on a Sunday.. I don’t want to here “imagine if I put this lineup into an expensive league. I would be making 7millon dollar right now” Congrats your team will end up flopping by the 4 o’clock games.

Sixth Thing: Don’t refer to your fantasy football league as gambling Building off the last point.. Putting $75 dollars into a league in August to win $300 is not gambling. Please don’t let every know that Stefon Diggs fucked your fantasy team out of a win in week 7. As much as people may pretend to care about your fantasy team they don’t. Listen they DO NOT CARE.

Last Thing: A Hot Tip is a Must Take: On a different note, if someone ever tells you they have a hot tip, you have to take it. No questions asked, just take it. Typically, you get these tips on some nonsense MAC game and typically they lose, but a hot tip is a hot tip.

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